Inbox the Second

[guylining]

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Inbox the First

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[fireshow]

i don't know why either of you choose to put up with this
it's not like i'll magically get better with it
not like i'll stop having moods
or want to burn everything around me
where some days i want relationship things
and other days
i don't

[guylining]

idk why you think any of that makes you unlovable

do you know that like. every time i've been down you were there for me
like even before we were together. when stephen day left me you were the one building me back up and telling me i deserved better
you got angry for me
you were never shy about what you thought or what you felt, ever
you knew i loved nick scratch and you still didn't hold back what you thought about him

i know you have moods
it's why when you tell me you don't care and you don't feel anything, i know somethings wrong
because that's not you
and i love you
the real you
moods and all, and i always will

[fireshow]

you like when i'm being an asshole basically

[guylining]

and when you're loving and when you're loyal
and when you're happy

[fireshow]

i just don't think it's fair to either of you

[guylining]

listen to me. everyone has their shit. everyone has parts of themselves they don't like

there is nothing about you that's too much for me. i love you and i don't need or want you to change

there might be things about you that you don't like but john there is nothing about you that i don't love
and for the record
i liked all those things before i loved them
because you were my best friend first
and you still are tbh.

[fireshow]

you're really gross

[guylining]

maybe
no regrets tho

[fireshow]

thanks
for being gross

[guylining]

thanks for being real

i love you.
whatever you're thinking i want to hear it. always.

[fireshow]

next month it's been 2 years since i showed up here

[guylining]

yeah. long time

how you feeling about that

[fireshow]

i don't know
lots of people come and go
i still miss alec

[guylining]

yeah.

i don't think that ever really goes away
not when you love someone, and it's real, and it's not like. it ended or you broke up or something

[fireshow]

just surprised i'm still here

[guylining]

i'm sorry you're still trapped here

i'm also sorry that i'm glad you're still with me too

[fireshow]

part of me thinks it doesn't matter much
when you have a bunch of others here

[guylining]

it does

does me and caliban being here mean that you don't miss alec?

[fireshow]

it’s different
alec was a lot of firsts for me

[guylining]

so if i left you wouldn't mind cause you'd still have caliban? or vice versa

[fireshow]

i’d just do what i always do
try to not feel anything about it

[guylining]

well. then i'm just not like you, when people i love disappear it's really hard for me to deal with

loving other people doesn't make me love you any less

it'd matter if you were gone
just like it matters that nick's gone now
it hurts

[fireshow]

i don’t want it to hurt
for me
for you

[guylining]

it's supposed to
it's the only thing that's left when they're gone, i don't want to lose that too

[fireshow]

it’s just too much sometimes