guylining | Inbox the Second

part of me doesn’t want this
just wants to fuck and not care
but other times i don’t mind
i just get into moods about it
i don’t know

getting into moods is valid, like i genuinely don't think you should push that away

i'll just push you away then
caliban knows firsthand how much i do that to him
i don't mean to
not really
in the moment maybe i need it
to an extent
but i just can't stop
like i want to sabotage myself and what i have

but you can't sabotage me

you can push me and i'll wait till you're ready and then you can come back and i'll be right there

i know you

i love you

it's not going to change, john

but i don't like it
being like that
even if i accept that's how i can be
i still feel bad after

maybe if i had something to keep me grounded
keep me from spiraling too much

what do you think would do that?

i don't know
i thought maybe if i could feel what caliban feels for me
so i can know it's real
and not listen to the shit some part of me is saying

it can be done

there's risks, though.

like what?
turning into a demon?

no

i had an empathy link with nick
we could feel each other's feelings
now there's a void where he should be

would you want to risk feeling that, if caliban were taken