i know the feeling i don't feel like i've rested in six months and half of it is my own fault.
i don't think you're trying to brush me off, i think you spent years relying on only one person and that's made it harder for you to put your supports elsewhere. especially when some of those supports either might not be fit for one thing or another
or vanish i'm sorry you've been dealing with so much
besides, it's all things i'll get over, you know? with enough time it's just that everything keeps happening all at once and i've barely gotten over one thing before the next happens
which is why practicing at accepting help would do you good
we're all going through the same shit, yeah, but that doesn't mean we can't lean on each other. it's infinitely easier to bear someone else's load for a while even while we have our own precisely because it's not ours. there's weight lost in trading them
you just have to trust that the people in your life love you and are strong enough to trade with you, if you don't then there's another issue at work
then don't, love you never had to, i just thought it would make things easier, one less thing to carry, but if it helps you in some way or feels right, then keep it
alright i think that sounds like a good idea, a good middle ground to not get rid of it but not let it linger like an open wound either. i trust your judgement- and i'm glad you've got someone who can help you with it
he's in a lot of things around us. most we don't want to lose now that he's gone. i fucking hate that bop music he plays but if i put it on, little thunder dances because he taught her how sometimes she says things that sound like his cadence
hold onto what you need to so you can heal, whether it's that bond or those plants
they're the only thing of him that's still living here they feel like him i have to keep them alive and i don't need help. magic isn't a pot with a bottom for me, it's everywhere. in me, in the world around me, in the spaces between worlds, in everything. i can draw it, it's like breathing and magic is air i come from it and it comes from me i don't need help but i don't want it either because this is the only thing i can do to keep him still here, even a little bit, and i need that
i don't want to just hear his music or catch the scent of him on his clothes it's not enough i mean, nothing's enough. but keeping the plants alive it's better.
and you think he won't? give it to him, see what he does.
cause thing is, he's looking for things to control and affect in a sense of needing to do something no different than you are but i don't think he actually wants anything more than the plants and you to be alright
a month after our talk about that, i walked into his office and confronted him about the attack and he apologized and explained some of why it happened. i accepted his apology
at the bacchanal we roleplayed like we were meeting for the first time, got some of the weird out of the way
and then the city made it weird by forcing us to do some heavy D/s we didn't really negotiate, but we worked through it
we've been keeping communication and i care about him he's my friend plus he told me he has a perfect memory of the attack, which i think makes him far more deferential to me than he should be, but it helped build trust
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i don't feel like i've rested in six months and half of it is my own fault.
i don't think you're trying to brush me off, i think you spent years relying on only one person and that's made it harder for you to put your supports elsewhere. especially when some of those supports either might not be fit for one thing or another
or vanish
i'm sorry you've been dealing with so much
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i don't
i'm not trying to push you away. or anyone else
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it's certainly not working
i just think you need more support and chances to break down safely that you're not giving yourself for one reason or another
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well i suppose i'm not used to it anymore
besides, it's all things i'll get over, you know? with enough time
it's just that everything keeps happening all at once and i've barely gotten over one thing before the next happens
that's all
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we're all going through the same shit, yeah, but that doesn't mean we can't lean on each other. it's infinitely easier to bear someone else's load for a while even while we have our own precisely because it's not ours. there's weight lost in trading them
you just have to trust that the people in your life love you and are strong enough to trade with you, if you don't then there's another issue at work
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i mean, i'll try.
i don't want to get rid of the empathy bond, chris
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then don't, love
you never had to, i just thought it would make things easier, one less thing to carry, but if it helps you in some way or feels right, then keep it
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it hurts because it's a void but it's a void he should be in
so i can't get rid of it
but i can suppress it, i think. i'm going to ask hope to help
she's done things like it before
i trust her, and i don't think she'll judge me
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i think that sounds like a good idea, a good middle ground to not get rid of it but not let it linger like an open wound either.
i trust your judgement- and i'm glad you've got someone who can help you with it
he's in a lot of things around us. most we don't want to lose now that he's gone.
i fucking hate that bop music he plays
but if i put it on, little thunder dances because he taught her how
sometimes she says things that sound like his cadence
hold onto what you need to so you can heal, whether it's that bond or those plants
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they feel like him
i have to keep them alive
and i don't need help. magic isn't a pot with a bottom for me, it's everywhere. in me, in the world around me, in the spaces between worlds, in everything. i can draw it, it's like breathing and magic is air
i come from it and it comes from me
i don't need help
but i don't want it either
because this is the only thing i can do to keep him still here, even a little bit, and i need that
i don't want to just hear his music or catch the scent of him on his clothes
it's not enough
i mean, nothing's enough. but keeping the plants alive
it's better.
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you said oli told you you couldn't take them on. i love him, don't get me wrong, but you could also just do it
is he going to stop you?
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i made a potion to transfer the link from nick to me
it'll let them draw from me through the empathy link
he needs to use the potion on them or they'll die
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give it to him, see what he does.
cause thing is, he's looking for things to control and affect in a sense of needing to do something no different than you are
but i don't think he actually wants anything more than the plants and you to be alright
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i hope he uses it. i don't want to fight about it though
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then hope that he does, but if he doesn’t
no, i don’t think this is the hill to die on. you’ve at least some of the plants, that’s something
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it's something
kyle will use what i gave him too
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not to change the subject but
do you know
is anyone else still living in that house with him?
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the other guy is still there
he has another contract too
so he has people but he's struggling, i know he is. i'm going over there tonight
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alright. i know he'll appreciate it.
give him a kiss for me
and take care of each other if not yourselves
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it wasn't so long ago you were telling me you didn't trust him and now you're worried about him
and kissing him apparently
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a month after our talk about that, i walked into his office and confronted him about the attack and he apologized and explained some of why it happened. i accepted his apology
at the bacchanal we roleplayed like we were meeting for the first time, got some of the weird out of the way
and then the city made it weird by forcing us to do some heavy D/s we didn't really negotiate, but we worked through it
we've been keeping communication and i care about him
he's my friend
plus he told me he has a perfect memory of the attack, which i think makes him far more deferential to me than he should be, but it helped build trust
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he's one of the people i'd do heavy d/s with
i mean if such a thing were acceptable between two dominants obviously
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our history makes that a little harder, but we’re working up to more, i think. i won’t say i haven’t considered how it might go if we switched
not that i’ve ever put hand to him myself, of course