[ eyeing him, albeit playfully, he makes his way out of the living room and disappears for a bit. he's only gone for about a minute or so before he's coming back with a book in hand. staring to it. quiet. as if contemplating whether or not this is a good idea.
standing there next to him, he licks over his lips. takes a second. then lets out a breath. ]
Here.
[ holding the book out to him. ]
It's a journal. [ a beat. ] When you left I... I wrote in it. Every day, more or less. They're letters to you. About what I was doing, what was happening. I stopped about a year into it but... I don't know. I always had you here to talk to whenever. Sometimes almost every day. [ licking over his lips again, he shrugs. ] I just didn't want to let go of that... of you.
[ Nate takes the book by rote, but his eyes are on John while he explains. While he says...
things Nate never expected. He looks down at the book, at the cover, then slowly opens it. Turns to one page, scans down it. Then another. Moves through it, seeing the number written on, the number of letters. So many letters.
Then he sets it down, stands, and pulls John into his arms. ]
You didn't forget about me. You didn't even try, you kept talking. All that time.
[ He'd always been afraid he would lose any connection to John if he ever went home. He'd seen how John reacted to other losses. Why should his loss be any different?
Seeing this, knowing what it means. It settles that part of him. He turns his face in against John's neck. ]
Thank you.
I'm gonna read every one of them. I want to know everything I missed, good and bad.
[ bringing his hand up to gently grasp the nape of nate's neck, he closes his eyes. holds him and lets himself be held. sigh so very soft there on his lips, just like the words that leave him a moment after: ]
[ Nate moves very slightly, turns his head to put his forehead against John's. Then moves his hand to touch his jaw, lightly runs his thumb across it. ]
[ foreheads touching, he looks to him. gaze soft. fingers gently stroking at the nape of the witch's neck there as he stands there with him. still so close. ]
You leave again and I'm breaking up with you.
[ he's not sure if he means it, but. just john being john. ]
[ john's the same in the sense that, for all the filth that leaves his mouth and that he's capable of with that mouth, a lot of the time it's all an act. a means to just disconnect from something— dissociate sometimes. from whatever mood might be trying to drown him beneath the surface.
so he huffs a little when nate goes and says that. stands there with him still, forehead pressed to his, gaze dropping down between them. ]
[ it feels so long ago now. when they'd first met. so many faces that were once here, now gone. memories. nothing more. still, he wears a crooked sort of smile there on his face. presses his forehead a little harder against nate's. ]
[ lifting his gaze to meet nate's, he kisses him then. slow. soft. sweet and tender. fingers brushing there against the nape of his neck he still holds. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ just saying. ]
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I promise not to teleport anywhere uninvited.
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standing there next to him, he licks over his lips. takes a second. then lets out a breath. ]
Here.
[ holding the book out to him. ]
It's a journal. [ a beat. ] When you left I... I wrote in it. Every day, more or less. They're letters to you. About what I was doing, what was happening. I stopped about a year into it but... I don't know. I always had you here to talk to whenever. Sometimes almost every day. [ licking over his lips again, he shrugs. ] I just didn't want to let go of that... of you.
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things Nate never expected. He looks down at the book, at the cover, then slowly opens it. Turns to one page, scans down it. Then another. Moves through it, seeing the number written on, the number of letters. So many letters.
Then he sets it down, stands, and pulls John into his arms. ]
You didn't forget about me. You didn't even try, you kept talking. All that time.
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Was trying to, yeah. Just got used to always having you there.
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Seeing this, knowing what it means. It settles that part of him. He turns his face in against John's neck. ]
Thank you.
I'm gonna read every one of them. I want to know everything I missed, good and bad.
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I missed you.
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I'm here.
I love that book. I love you.
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You leave again and I'm breaking up with you.
[ he's not sure if he means it, but. just john being john. ]
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Reasonable.
[ He smiles. John being John. This is the John he fell for in the first place. His head tilts up a bit, nudging their noses together. ]
It was my birthday two weeks ago. [ A flick of his eyebrow. ] Only technically. Couple of days before the Finder. That was better than a video.
[ Not the Finder, but what they'd done after. ]
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[ he raises a brow as he asks that. keeps close. ]
Shame. Pretty sure you like seeing both my holes filled with the two of you.
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I want another threesome with you and Caliban every day.
[ A beat. ]
Sometimes I just want you, though. Sometimes I just want this.
[ Not sex, just this. It's close, it's soft, it's loving. And it's rare, compared to all the rest. It feels very personal. Sometimes he needs that. ]
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so he huffs a little when nate goes and says that. stands there with him still, forehead pressed to his, gaze dropping down between them. ]
Matchstick and hocus pocus. Remember that?
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[ It makes him grin, that memory. The way they'd been with each other at first. The easy banter. The flirting, before it was flirting. ]
I didn't know your real name for ages. You didn't go by it. I think you were my best mate before I knew your name.
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Now look where we are.
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In the house you share with the King of Hell. We've come far.
You remember when our nightmares came to life and we fought a sentinel? Crazy things.
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Yeah. Crazy things.
[ lifting his gaze to meet nate's, he kisses him then. slow. soft. sweet and tender. fingers brushing there against the nape of his neck he still holds. ]
I love you.
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I love you.
[ One hand moves up, thumb brushing John's lip. ]
Is it still rude I stay a while? Keep you company?
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[ john code for i love you, too. ]
You know you can always stay here. Not like me or Caliban would ever tell you you can't.