It means whatever we want it to mean. I don't want Oli to the exclusion of all others, he doesn't want that from me. I think, if anyone asked that from me, I'd question whether they even knew me at all.
[ there's been moments where he's worried, that it might be a question he's asked one day, to choose. it's always been a question in the back of his mind, will it happen eventually, will it ever be anything other than a dealbreaker for nick. but he's got unwavering belief that it will never be a choice that oliver will ask him to make.
nate doesn't ask him, but nick breathes out soft against his hand anyway, noses into his palm. ]
I promise that for as long as I have any control at all, I'll never leave you. No matter what we go through, what paths we cross, I'll always be by your side. I promise that I will never stop looking for a way to keep you in my thoughts, even if they try and wipe away every trace of you. I promise that I'll love you forever.
[ it's an easy feeling to sink into, that love he feels that's so intrinsically nate's. his eyes close too and for a moment he just leans in close, listens to the deep breaths, settles his hands on nate's chest and feels them too. ]
I don't know what I believe about this place anymore, but I believe that. I think we'll find a way to each other, Nate.
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[ there's been moments where he's worried, that it might be a question he's asked one day, to choose. it's always been a question in the back of his mind, will it happen eventually, will it ever be anything other than a dealbreaker for nick. but he's got unwavering belief that it will never be a choice that oliver will ask him to make.
nate doesn't ask him, but nick breathes out soft against his hand anyway, noses into his palm. ]
I promise that for as long as I have any control at all, I'll never leave you. No matter what we go through, what paths we cross, I'll always be by your side. I promise that I will never stop looking for a way to keep you in my thoughts, even if they try and wipe away every trace of you. I promise that I'll love you forever.
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Not that the words don't help. ]
I love you, [ He says softly, back to him. ] I always will. If I can keep us together forever, I will. If I can stop myself from forgetting you...
I don't want to do anything that risks that. I've been thinking about that since the ship.
[ He closes his eyes and takes a deeper breath. ]
I'm sorry. I am happy for you guys, I'm sorry I freaked out.
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[ it's an easy feeling to sink into, that love he feels that's so intrinsically nate's. his eyes close too and for a moment he just leans in close, listens to the deep breaths, settles his hands on nate's chest and feels them too. ]
I don't know what I believe about this place anymore, but I believe that. I think we'll find a way to each other, Nate.
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He's still afraid. ]
I had to spend years without you.
[ He says it softly, almost a whisper. ]
I couldn't even find my way home, much less...to you. I didn't know to look for you. That seems impossible.
I don't want to lose you, Nick.